2005: The Year that was and was not so good.

Each year at this time we hear from all the ususal "end year" pundits and naysaysers who recollect all that was notable for 2005. Ususally they painstakinly point out the various mishaps and the "oh so shocking" scandals that are suppose to send vibrant currents of concern through our systems. Therefore, I can't just miss the opportunity to first brag about our new blog look and our new moniker,"CorneliusOnpoint."
This growing new medium is allowing me to be the ultimate "shot caller" and "rim rocker" if I so desire. Unfortunately, our fair city has'nt be able to sustain any type of real media to state the facts or highlight our internal best interest. For too long, the community has been monoplized by short sightedness and all to often petty value systems that have caused any type of media to be one sided, void of any discourse or quality information. I have always encouraged breaking those chains of bondage and beholdings to an atmoshpere that is not empowering but rather self defeating and depricating. Therfore, I am attempting to fill the breach with my own take on where we've been and what were doing now. So as 2005 dawned, we all saw the formation of yet another organization filled with promise. The ADAP working group that was going to re-address AIDS issues in Arkansas held a planning meeting, elected a slate of officers and subsequently hosted a Capitol Hill luncheon to boot. However, since that grand send off and few conference calls later, nothing much has been heard from this outfit. What gives! I personally volunteered to assit, however to my chagrin my expertise was idled and untapped. Meanwhile, this was only the first of my 05 volunteer debacles. The other was with the local CBO, AAF, which actively pursued me but then decided that I was a bit too organized and aggressive as an effective board member. I know you are as I was scrathing my head going, Huh, you got to be kidding? No folks I don't make this stuff up. As the year progressed I watched as the gay community of Conway again put on it's Annual Gay Pride Parade, filled with the usual suspects except those who turned out last year as opponents. It seems that this event went bust as a "news event" because there wasn't really much news, just a replay and a recast of characters who mugged for the cameras. The side stories involving the guy who dumped the "do do" at that dredded purple abode better known as Casa Gayland was fined but had no remorse for his smelly act.Also the "oh so fired" radio personality who passed out porn in his briefs and his partner in crime, went to court and got some type of mismash sort of justice that really doesn't mean much. And the year rolled on or should we say walked on in step with the locally produced AIDS Walk that doesn't seem to be catching on fire with any significant growth but has flamed out a separate "walk" produced by some disgruntled participants from the original. This action calls for the Rodney King anthem of "Can't we all just get along?" On a positive note, the Sidetracks establishment has been doing it's best to rekindle bar life as we once knew it. The owners attempts to create a friendly atmosphere and value does strike a meaningful chord. Other 2005 winners can include Easy Street with it's new additions and forward looking plans. Even though it's homey feeling is similar to that of Cheers, it's not a place where everyone knows your name, but it seems that every body is an investor. Nevertheless, The Factory may fill both bills of looser and 2005 winner.The change in owners has been winningly marginal but the establishment is now a "Hip hop, Latino,Twink, alterntive,dance and drag palace all under one roof and that has some bar goers decreeing it a looser. Not to mention that, rumors abound that there are plans to add "Private late night hangout" to its roster of titles. Only time will tell. On the Political front there seem to be some candidates such as Kathy Webb among others that are evolving from the shadows to run for office. I hope that they are able to create a base of support that will spur some type of unity in this area. Dear Reader, by the time you read this, 2005 will have come and gone, with these items just barely scratching the surface of the year that was and was not so good in Arkansas. However, I look forward to 2006 when I plan to give more of my personal best to this medium and be a conscious observer of our culture. I am hopeful that next year will be better and if not, I'll back to tell you all about. Stay tuned....

Cornelius goes Hot, Live and otherwise!!

I have been thrusted into the 21st century like gangbusters. The new ways and means to connect with the world has been almost overwhelming and certainly empowering. A few years back, I thought I would fall victim to the dredded "digital divide" and not be able to access the super highway of the internet. But my due diligence and determination to learn all the up and comming gizmo's was at it's pitch fever this year.Each day technology seems to morph over night and I keep finding my self adjusting the learning curve to stay current. Amazingly, in my outreach to the "netsphere" I've found so many willing mentors and those who are at the pinnacle of all things net. Yet, with all this rapid fire communicating, I have been befuddled at the lack of public comment and dispering of pertinent information about the issues concerning the community. It seems that one of the lone voices out here is Bob Coffey's, "The Notes" which frequently falls into my mailbox. His efforts to inform and offer a plethora of updates about homeless issues, AIDS info and other valuable nuggets, simply dwarfs the other CBO/ Foundation that supposedly is the lead agency in the area. As a matter of disclosure, I am a former board member, who withdrew his membership due to a conflict of interest. Nevertheless, there seems to be a continuing void in the public message of this conclave, as well as, other emerging concerned citizens such as the Gay and Lesbian Pride Group. It is unrefutable that the Net has developed into a direct source to individuals with abilities to inspire, motivate and admonish. Web sites for the metro area community bars and other entities abound. Most with outdated information, promotional dogma or a lack of any real content. Supposedly, the new proposed Pink Pyramid site touts that it will be the hub of "what's going on," yet the vibe I get is that it will be more of the same. Therefore, I step into the breach with my series of both composed and audio blogs dealing with all of the issues at hand. My approach is to be an omnivorous observer with a sense of fairness and objectivity in all my commentaries. This new medium is bold and allows us to firmly place ourselves right in each others face. I'm ready for the challenge...are you?

In Search of "The Secret!"...continues

It is amazing that I have spent many of my productive years attempting to put my finger on the how, what, when and where I may fit into my version of community. Unfortunately, after all this time, I am still perplexed as well as, still searching for that elusive connection that would offer me a more energize conduit to all those who share my passion and interest. Over the last 20 years, I have analyzed, compromised, and idealized what "community" meant to me and how my contributions, whether they be large or small, would be utilized within its structure. So far, I have concluded that the communities of family, ethnicity, career and friendhship networks, that I thought I was apart of was perhaps a mirage within my imagination. These necessary suppport systems have become seeminly cloaked in my personal hopes, steeped in various disappointments that lie in the shadows of my ongoing fears, causing me to re-evlaute my relationship to each of them. Overall, I believe that as I unlock the elements of "The Secret," I will re-establish the synergy with individuals of like minds who will help me soar to new heights. Certainly, I have taken into account that the forces throughtout my scope of "community" has been dealt a serious blow with not just the AIDS crisis, but rather a barrage of socio- diseases, including alcoholism, mental illness,other susbstance abuses and the gnawing pressures of the "six degrees of separation" paradigm at large. Consequently, I've summerized that despite it all, a serious disconnect has to be countered, resulting in eliminating my doubts and confusion about the community that I so often took for granted. Ultimately, "The Secret" will set in motion answers to the basic questions of "where is the community that claims me and what are they expecting of me as the years continue to turn?" Must I comtemplate that my journey and experiences thus far have had very little intrinsic value, or worthiness to enhance those who will finally inherit my place within this microcosm. I shutter to think that much of my time has been squandered and those contributions have all but been forgotten, due to our "blink" culture which is always ready for the next big thing. The awful reality that exist is that the quasi communities I thought I knew and embraced, although flawed are actually still in need of soulful indidviduals such as myself to give them purpose and direction. However I'm determined that despite my current disillusionment, I intend to fill my spirit with all that I find within the scrolls of "The Secret" to secure a better future for myself and all that I touch. Join me as I search for clues at www.what-is-the-secret.com

We are family or are we???

"We are family...I got all my sister's and me...! The anthem was a rallying cry of yesteryear and I really thought that we were a family and would be always. I embraced the wondrous like beings who I felt had accepted me as part of the larger group, known as "The Community". However, 20 years have past and now I stand perplexed as to what happened to the community that I often spoke of, and thought I had allegiances too. What happpened to the family that proudly proclaimed that we would be concerned about our civil right to the pursuit of life and liberty? Where are those dieheart individuals who came to meetings and offered pearls of wisdom that would benefit us all? Are there any real answers to these questions, perhaps not. Apparently the 21st century has ushered in a reclusive "tech" mentality that has engulfed the community, almost snuffing out the comraderie of bar life as we have known it. However, in efforts to counter this trend, local entreprenuers have desperately scrambled to redefined their customer base including expanding their appeal by becoming "alternative lifestyle" or trendy Rave hangouts. "The bar" is no longer the bastion of community information or physical activity hub. The once gathering community, subsequently fractured community, has now disintergrated. The soul of that community, that I knew has become a mere shell of it self, leaving me wondering if my past contributions, no matter how large or small, have all but become a memory. A victim of the new "blink" society we now live in, where waiting for the next big thing reigns supreme. Especially if it can be offered through your webcam or courtsey of your front door. Consquently, my minor offerings will have no real lasting affect on those who will take my place within this microcosm. The mutal goals that I thought we shared have not truly been realized and there is much work still undone, unevaluated or unaccomplished. Unfortuantely, as I look around for willing workers, I have discovered that not only are they far and few, but they are disregarding lessons from the past. Neverthless, precious resources are becoming seriously limited, leadership vaccums abound and results will be highly scruntinized. It seems so unreal that the promise of a united commnuity is still as elusive as it was all those years ago. However, as the echoes of the past fade to black and the midnight dancing continues on a Friday night, only the music has changed. Closing my eyes, I cherish the soundtrack of those times and their endearing lyrics will always strike a chord with me. Not as an old school hit, but rather a fond memory of what we thought would be or could be someday.

The Secret is about to be revealed !....

www.what-is-the-secret.com

On the horizon, a final stage full moon was slowly rising, emitting Luna's haunting glow and intrinsic charm that captured my attention. I could just imagine that this same lunar latern probably had cast a spirited eminence over the sands of Africa, bouncing light off Pharos and down into the catacombs of the Valley of the Kings where whispers are still heard. From that valley to the Far East and around the rest of a restless world, power brokers have struggled to control the flow of information, the far reaching knoweledge and the ultimate treasurer trove of prosperity that only a few have been privy too. I too, as I gaze into the streams of Mother's Nature moonlight, lie in wait for my chance to view the scrolls and unearth the volocity of their meanings which hold, "The Secret."
Being successful and finding the right source to accomplish the task have always been on my radar. It seems that certain elements and cornerstones must be in place in order to unlock the gates to a gainful existence. Realizing the paradigms of "The Secret" will allow me to further understand how those great empire builders such as Rockefeller, Carnegie, Dupont and Ford were able to use it's contents to create everlasting dynasties. The American industrial revolution has been transformed by new discoveries in the 21st century, however, the basic elements found within the scrolls of " The Secret" are fundamental composites that I know will align, as well as, propel me toward the my goals. I can't be fatalistic about the possiablities because believing in myself, embracing my faith and designing the best business model will provide me a sound foundation. Afterall, in the words of Spike Milligan, " money can't buy you friends, but it can get your a better class of enemy." I'll take my chances. Let's find out together as we all prepare to share, "The Secret."! Check it out at, www.What-is-the-secret.com

"And now a message from our sponsors..."

There it was. Another reminder from yet another product or service deivised to find it's way into my purse, pocketbook, wallet or fanny pack. All through the day and much of the evening, we are constantly bombarded with the message that we simply don't have enough stuff to either gaurd, proctect, satisfy or wreck havoc over our daily lives. Just one more infomerical to state that "if you don't have this and don't order it "now," you'll going to be somehow unable to complete the rest of your days on Earth, not to mention get to sleep after watching this crap. Sometimes, I wonder how did we get here and why so many people are now suffering from type of conpulsive order or another. They've filled their lives not with a loving spirit, but rather hapless products ranging from the unused thigh master to the insipid singing Bass that flops around for your distatseful pleasure. Some individuals are actually drowing in the crass commericalization of their being with so many items that they have found some type of sick affection for these inanimate objects of their desire. The bottom line, they can't part with it any of it, whether it be a use tube of cosmetics that may have one more use or stacks of Ladies Home Journal that will never see a reading light ever again. Consequently, I 've decided to do my part and get rid of the crap, by saying "good night Irene" to many of the trinkets of past lives that no longer have any significance to my present. However, I've gone one step further and decided to cleanse much of my entire being by realizing that old habits and desires also need to be re-exaimined and purged. Making up for lost time by reaffirming my self to myself, therfore contemplating my future as well as, impending mortality and or legacy. I don't want to be remembered for all the stuff I had, but rather what I did with my stuff by either donating to worthy causes or other erstwhile charities.I want my earthly possesions to eventually keep on giving long after I've departed the scene and perhaps if we took the mountains of no-nothing junk that keep growing each year in garages around the nation and decidely make less purchases of addtional baby strollers, tea service, beer teddys or other non-useful crap. We could just establish funds to further education or elevation of human kind. Perhaps entertaining the novel idea of just saving more money to take of lingering existence would be good cause. Yet, I'm putting my money where my frustration lies. I am committing to not to buy items that I simply don't really need or do anything to make my life more enriched. Ultimately, if the "six degrees of seperation" paradim really exist, I hope that those who are within my six degrees will do the same and not buy anything while there thinking about it.

Somewhere over the Rainbow...

"Time seems to fly when your having fun," is the old adage that I remember from days gone by. However, as I've gotten older, I am finding less fun as time flies by. It amazes me how most folks think I'm leading some kind of charmed life. "You know, Cornelius, you are so lucky and have such a wonderful life," they easily quip. Well, I not sure what they deem so damn lucky about an individual who has persevered through a great deal of cow dung to find some level of satisfaction within himself and his surroundings. I can't imagine that working in dead end jobs, striving to be respected in the hospitality arena and crawling my way through the mine field of the new "PC" alternative lifestyle, all that lucky. Yet, it seems that my destiny is to survive and I now know that this is my God given mission in life. To offer to others the message that you can survive despite life's shortcomings or your own. I've decided that at 44, I'm going to do more to find inspiration in life and give that away to those who can't seem to find some crumbs of peace in their respective lives. The idea is not new, nor the message, just the honesty of the messenger. I'm going to pursue those goals that I thought unobtainable or beyond my ability. For too long, I've neglected the diamonds in the rough that have littered by pathway. It's time that I pick them up and polish them to their true luster. Despite all that has transpired in the last few months, including a totaled vehicle and the subsequent nightmare that goes with settling the matter, my impending hip surgery, sojurn through the Social Security maze and my entreprenurial dream that seems to be slowly slipping away, have made me aware that pain can propel you to greater heights. It is through this pain that you can find some of your greatest strength and I should know. Amen.

Eyes on the Prize....

It was a cool January morning when the FedEX guy dropped by the Club with a letter package. I actually wasn't concerned, because ususally I didn't recieve much mail at the club, however, today would be different. "Cornelius, this seems to be for you. I went ahead and signed for it," said the customer service clerk." Well, I wonder what the heck it could be," as I began opening the packet. Inside I would find that a contest that I had entered was informing me that I had won the Grand Prize upon my completion of the enclosed documents. At first, I was preplexed, then, confused, until I continued to read the letter. It was the advertising contest that I had sent in an entry to and thought perhaps I had no chance of winning, yet the letter stated that I had pervailed. However, months later, and somehwhat embarrassed because I did tell a few close friends about the winfall, I have heard nothing from the contest or winnings to crow about. I followed the instructions to the letter and was very prompt about it's return. I just can't understand what would be the delay. I've been extremely patient and hopeful that one day, the prize would show up and I would feel like one of those clearinghouse winners, but nothing, so far. RATS! I can't just stand by and not know something, so I've decided to send a letter to the contest HQ and ask the proverbial question, "what gives!" The prize would definately come in handy, since my arthritic condition is making me uncertain about my working future and often I feel I'm almost one paycheck away from loosing it all. Yet, I've decided that "my eyes" shouldn't be on the earthly prize offered by man, but rather on the supreme being that comforts me,has provided for me and has brought me this far in life. My faith in the heavenly prize of eternal life and salvation is actually the real prize I should focus on and realize that it doesn't come by FEDEX.

Pardon my Dust...

Lately I've begun to wonder am I getting slower or is time simply moving faster. It seems that the days are passing quickly and then they turn into months and I can't seem to keep up with it all. I've downsized, computerized and homogenized as much of my daily life and yet, I keep getting that feeling that something is slipping by me. I have more gadgets to keep me organized and more bags to carry them all in, not to mention calenders, daytimers and alarm clocks to keep me in sync with where I'm suppose to be and what the hell am I suppose to be doing when I get there. Nevertheless, my concept of time seems to getting fat doses of energy from the world at large. Infusing my "time space" with twenty-four hour networks of news, gossip,infomercials and frivilous productions designed to fill time on all these channels that some how I'm suppose to watch. Then there's the daily snail mail barrage that I have to filter and re-filter on a daily basis. I have resorted to calling some companies to tell them that I no longer want to be on there mailing list, however, the damn stuff keeps coming and I now need more trash cans to take of it all. Is it time that speeding up or am I slowing down trying to take it all in, so perhaps maybe I won't miss something or better yet I'm re-reading some of it because I simply don't understand why I'm being solicited in the first place? No wonder I can't keep the place dusted, becuase I spending so much time emptying the trash from all the mail that I didn't ask for. Well I guess it doesn't matter because now I'm out of time!

Don't have anything to do...Call me!

I have no reason for not posting to this medium. Except that I've been busy with organizing my life so that I can keep up with all the responsibilities that I've accepted. What I mean is, I've become belligerent and somewhat miffed at those who keep telling me that they are bored and don't have "anything to do!" What the heck do you mean I keep asking? Well if you don't have anything to do give me a call. To begin with there is this blog medium which needs much attention and sometimes more attention than I have to offer. But, no excuses,as I rush into action and get my thought patterns energized as the keyboard blazes hot with my attitudes and inquisitive style. Then let's talk about some of my committee work that entails in person meetings, e-mails, and conference calls to boot. Trying to assist in changing the world or at least inform them that there are people out in the real world that need to be heard from can be more than just challenging, it can be quite rewarding. We need more people to give it a try. Of course, because I'm not as young as I'd like to be, I have to deal with the daily grind of keeping my body in some type of motivated shape. That's not repeating the Anna Nicole mantra of "Love my body" or the chronic "I'm really hungry look of the Olsen Twins," but rather a Denny's Boca burger and whatever pill regimen that I'm on for the day. Throw in housework, and a committed relationship with relatives in tow and presto! your fucking plates full. And the beat goes on! Yes, everyday the pressure of keeping it all in some kind of order is what I live for. So for all you bozo's who don't have anything to do, get a life or either call me. I'd love to share...or least I'd like to think so.

Stayin Alive in 05!!

I actually survived another christmas assault and lived to tell about. I'm so glad to be on the other side of another year, even though as I write this I've found out that some are not so lucky. Nevethtless, the only New Year's resolution I have is to continue my efforts to make a difference in the incoming year. Taking time to write a letter to my congressman or make that all important visit to a legislator who ultimately needs a continuing reality check on the real "state of the state." This year I hope to empower others with the understanding that they too can make a difference from the context of there daily lives. To echo Churchill,"... we have nothing to fear, but fear it self." Yet, in my quest to assist, I will reserve the right to strike the right balance in regards to my personal live and those I share it with. I 've witnessed all to often that advocates and activist often burn the candle at both ends and usually flame out at some critical point. I encourage all activist to gear up for the long haul and not just today's enthusiatic lip service to the cause. We can't afford to keep restarting organizations or movements. Lately, we've found that it's a costly effort to re-tool and re-energize to take on the establishment which has many resources in it's arsenal. Our organizing skills and savvy are more important now than ever and in the words of our commander and chief, " failure is not an option." Therefore, as the new year begans, I say gentlemen and gentlewoman, rev up your engines and let's get this party started! Stay tuned....