In Search of "The Secret!"...continues

It is amazing that I have spent many of my productive years attempting to put my finger on the how, what, when and where I may fit into my version of community. Unfortunately, after all this time, I am still perplexed as well as, still searching for that elusive connection that would offer me a more energize conduit to all those who share my passion and interest. Over the last 20 years, I have analyzed, compromised, and idealized what "community" meant to me and how my contributions, whether they be large or small, would be utilized within its structure. So far, I have concluded that the communities of family, ethnicity, career and friendhship networks, that I thought I was apart of was perhaps a mirage within my imagination. These necessary suppport systems have become seeminly cloaked in my personal hopes, steeped in various disappointments that lie in the shadows of my ongoing fears, causing me to re-evlaute my relationship to each of them. Overall, I believe that as I unlock the elements of "The Secret," I will re-establish the synergy with individuals of like minds who will help me soar to new heights. Certainly, I have taken into account that the forces throughtout my scope of "community" has been dealt a serious blow with not just the AIDS crisis, but rather a barrage of socio- diseases, including alcoholism, mental illness,other susbstance abuses and the gnawing pressures of the "six degrees of separation" paradigm at large. Consequently, I've summerized that despite it all, a serious disconnect has to be countered, resulting in eliminating my doubts and confusion about the community that I so often took for granted. Ultimately, "The Secret" will set in motion answers to the basic questions of "where is the community that claims me and what are they expecting of me as the years continue to turn?" Must I comtemplate that my journey and experiences thus far have had very little intrinsic value, or worthiness to enhance those who will finally inherit my place within this microcosm. I shutter to think that much of my time has been squandered and those contributions have all but been forgotten, due to our "blink" culture which is always ready for the next big thing. The awful reality that exist is that the quasi communities I thought I knew and embraced, although flawed are actually still in need of soulful indidviduals such as myself to give them purpose and direction. However I'm determined that despite my current disillusionment, I intend to fill my spirit with all that I find within the scrolls of "The Secret" to secure a better future for myself and all that I touch. Join me as I search for clues at www.what-is-the-secret.com

We are family or are we???

"We are family...I got all my sister's and me...! The anthem was a rallying cry of yesteryear and I really thought that we were a family and would be always. I embraced the wondrous like beings who I felt had accepted me as part of the larger group, known as "The Community". However, 20 years have past and now I stand perplexed as to what happened to the community that I often spoke of, and thought I had allegiances too. What happpened to the family that proudly proclaimed that we would be concerned about our civil right to the pursuit of life and liberty? Where are those dieheart individuals who came to meetings and offered pearls of wisdom that would benefit us all? Are there any real answers to these questions, perhaps not. Apparently the 21st century has ushered in a reclusive "tech" mentality that has engulfed the community, almost snuffing out the comraderie of bar life as we have known it. However, in efforts to counter this trend, local entreprenuers have desperately scrambled to redefined their customer base including expanding their appeal by becoming "alternative lifestyle" or trendy Rave hangouts. "The bar" is no longer the bastion of community information or physical activity hub. The once gathering community, subsequently fractured community, has now disintergrated. The soul of that community, that I knew has become a mere shell of it self, leaving me wondering if my past contributions, no matter how large or small, have all but become a memory. A victim of the new "blink" society we now live in, where waiting for the next big thing reigns supreme. Especially if it can be offered through your webcam or courtsey of your front door. Consquently, my minor offerings will have no real lasting affect on those who will take my place within this microcosm. The mutal goals that I thought we shared have not truly been realized and there is much work still undone, unevaluated or unaccomplished. Unfortuantely, as I look around for willing workers, I have discovered that not only are they far and few, but they are disregarding lessons from the past. Neverthless, precious resources are becoming seriously limited, leadership vaccums abound and results will be highly scruntinized. It seems so unreal that the promise of a united commnuity is still as elusive as it was all those years ago. However, as the echoes of the past fade to black and the midnight dancing continues on a Friday night, only the music has changed. Closing my eyes, I cherish the soundtrack of those times and their endearing lyrics will always strike a chord with me. Not as an old school hit, but rather a fond memory of what we thought would be or could be someday.

The Secret is about to be revealed !....

www.what-is-the-secret.com

On the horizon, a final stage full moon was slowly rising, emitting Luna's haunting glow and intrinsic charm that captured my attention. I could just imagine that this same lunar latern probably had cast a spirited eminence over the sands of Africa, bouncing light off Pharos and down into the catacombs of the Valley of the Kings where whispers are still heard. From that valley to the Far East and around the rest of a restless world, power brokers have struggled to control the flow of information, the far reaching knoweledge and the ultimate treasurer trove of prosperity that only a few have been privy too. I too, as I gaze into the streams of Mother's Nature moonlight, lie in wait for my chance to view the scrolls and unearth the volocity of their meanings which hold, "The Secret."
Being successful and finding the right source to accomplish the task have always been on my radar. It seems that certain elements and cornerstones must be in place in order to unlock the gates to a gainful existence. Realizing the paradigms of "The Secret" will allow me to further understand how those great empire builders such as Rockefeller, Carnegie, Dupont and Ford were able to use it's contents to create everlasting dynasties. The American industrial revolution has been transformed by new discoveries in the 21st century, however, the basic elements found within the scrolls of " The Secret" are fundamental composites that I know will align, as well as, propel me toward the my goals. I can't be fatalistic about the possiablities because believing in myself, embracing my faith and designing the best business model will provide me a sound foundation. Afterall, in the words of Spike Milligan, " money can't buy you friends, but it can get your a better class of enemy." I'll take my chances. Let's find out together as we all prepare to share, "The Secret."! Check it out at, www.What-is-the-secret.com

"And now a message from our sponsors..."

There it was. Another reminder from yet another product or service deivised to find it's way into my purse, pocketbook, wallet or fanny pack. All through the day and much of the evening, we are constantly bombarded with the message that we simply don't have enough stuff to either gaurd, proctect, satisfy or wreck havoc over our daily lives. Just one more infomerical to state that "if you don't have this and don't order it "now," you'll going to be somehow unable to complete the rest of your days on Earth, not to mention get to sleep after watching this crap. Sometimes, I wonder how did we get here and why so many people are now suffering from type of conpulsive order or another. They've filled their lives not with a loving spirit, but rather hapless products ranging from the unused thigh master to the insipid singing Bass that flops around for your distatseful pleasure. Some individuals are actually drowing in the crass commericalization of their being with so many items that they have found some type of sick affection for these inanimate objects of their desire. The bottom line, they can't part with it any of it, whether it be a use tube of cosmetics that may have one more use or stacks of Ladies Home Journal that will never see a reading light ever again. Consequently, I 've decided to do my part and get rid of the crap, by saying "good night Irene" to many of the trinkets of past lives that no longer have any significance to my present. However, I've gone one step further and decided to cleanse much of my entire being by realizing that old habits and desires also need to be re-exaimined and purged. Making up for lost time by reaffirming my self to myself, therfore contemplating my future as well as, impending mortality and or legacy. I don't want to be remembered for all the stuff I had, but rather what I did with my stuff by either donating to worthy causes or other erstwhile charities.I want my earthly possesions to eventually keep on giving long after I've departed the scene and perhaps if we took the mountains of no-nothing junk that keep growing each year in garages around the nation and decidely make less purchases of addtional baby strollers, tea service, beer teddys or other non-useful crap. We could just establish funds to further education or elevation of human kind. Perhaps entertaining the novel idea of just saving more money to take of lingering existence would be good cause. Yet, I'm putting my money where my frustration lies. I am committing to not to buy items that I simply don't really need or do anything to make my life more enriched. Ultimately, if the "six degrees of seperation" paradim really exist, I hope that those who are within my six degrees will do the same and not buy anything while there thinking about it.

Somewhere over the Rainbow...

"Time seems to fly when your having fun," is the old adage that I remember from days gone by. However, as I've gotten older, I am finding less fun as time flies by. It amazes me how most folks think I'm leading some kind of charmed life. "You know, Cornelius, you are so lucky and have such a wonderful life," they easily quip. Well, I not sure what they deem so damn lucky about an individual who has persevered through a great deal of cow dung to find some level of satisfaction within himself and his surroundings. I can't imagine that working in dead end jobs, striving to be respected in the hospitality arena and crawling my way through the mine field of the new "PC" alternative lifestyle, all that lucky. Yet, it seems that my destiny is to survive and I now know that this is my God given mission in life. To offer to others the message that you can survive despite life's shortcomings or your own. I've decided that at 44, I'm going to do more to find inspiration in life and give that away to those who can't seem to find some crumbs of peace in their respective lives. The idea is not new, nor the message, just the honesty of the messenger. I'm going to pursue those goals that I thought unobtainable or beyond my ability. For too long, I've neglected the diamonds in the rough that have littered by pathway. It's time that I pick them up and polish them to their true luster. Despite all that has transpired in the last few months, including a totaled vehicle and the subsequent nightmare that goes with settling the matter, my impending hip surgery, sojurn through the Social Security maze and my entreprenurial dream that seems to be slowly slipping away, have made me aware that pain can propel you to greater heights. It is through this pain that you can find some of your greatest strength and I should know. Amen.

Eyes on the Prize....

It was a cool January morning when the FedEX guy dropped by the Club with a letter package. I actually wasn't concerned, because ususally I didn't recieve much mail at the club, however, today would be different. "Cornelius, this seems to be for you. I went ahead and signed for it," said the customer service clerk." Well, I wonder what the heck it could be," as I began opening the packet. Inside I would find that a contest that I had entered was informing me that I had won the Grand Prize upon my completion of the enclosed documents. At first, I was preplexed, then, confused, until I continued to read the letter. It was the advertising contest that I had sent in an entry to and thought perhaps I had no chance of winning, yet the letter stated that I had pervailed. However, months later, and somehwhat embarrassed because I did tell a few close friends about the winfall, I have heard nothing from the contest or winnings to crow about. I followed the instructions to the letter and was very prompt about it's return. I just can't understand what would be the delay. I've been extremely patient and hopeful that one day, the prize would show up and I would feel like one of those clearinghouse winners, but nothing, so far. RATS! I can't just stand by and not know something, so I've decided to send a letter to the contest HQ and ask the proverbial question, "what gives!" The prize would definately come in handy, since my arthritic condition is making me uncertain about my working future and often I feel I'm almost one paycheck away from loosing it all. Yet, I've decided that "my eyes" shouldn't be on the earthly prize offered by man, but rather on the supreme being that comforts me,has provided for me and has brought me this far in life. My faith in the heavenly prize of eternal life and salvation is actually the real prize I should focus on and realize that it doesn't come by FEDEX.

Pardon my Dust...

Lately I've begun to wonder am I getting slower or is time simply moving faster. It seems that the days are passing quickly and then they turn into months and I can't seem to keep up with it all. I've downsized, computerized and homogenized as much of my daily life and yet, I keep getting that feeling that something is slipping by me. I have more gadgets to keep me organized and more bags to carry them all in, not to mention calenders, daytimers and alarm clocks to keep me in sync with where I'm suppose to be and what the hell am I suppose to be doing when I get there. Nevertheless, my concept of time seems to getting fat doses of energy from the world at large. Infusing my "time space" with twenty-four hour networks of news, gossip,infomercials and frivilous productions designed to fill time on all these channels that some how I'm suppose to watch. Then there's the daily snail mail barrage that I have to filter and re-filter on a daily basis. I have resorted to calling some companies to tell them that I no longer want to be on there mailing list, however, the damn stuff keeps coming and I now need more trash cans to take of it all. Is it time that speeding up or am I slowing down trying to take it all in, so perhaps maybe I won't miss something or better yet I'm re-reading some of it because I simply don't understand why I'm being solicited in the first place? No wonder I can't keep the place dusted, becuase I spending so much time emptying the trash from all the mail that I didn't ask for. Well I guess it doesn't matter because now I'm out of time!

Don't have anything to do...Call me!

I have no reason for not posting to this medium. Except that I've been busy with organizing my life so that I can keep up with all the responsibilities that I've accepted. What I mean is, I've become belligerent and somewhat miffed at those who keep telling me that they are bored and don't have "anything to do!" What the heck do you mean I keep asking? Well if you don't have anything to do give me a call. To begin with there is this blog medium which needs much attention and sometimes more attention than I have to offer. But, no excuses,as I rush into action and get my thought patterns energized as the keyboard blazes hot with my attitudes and inquisitive style. Then let's talk about some of my committee work that entails in person meetings, e-mails, and conference calls to boot. Trying to assist in changing the world or at least inform them that there are people out in the real world that need to be heard from can be more than just challenging, it can be quite rewarding. We need more people to give it a try. Of course, because I'm not as young as I'd like to be, I have to deal with the daily grind of keeping my body in some type of motivated shape. That's not repeating the Anna Nicole mantra of "Love my body" or the chronic "I'm really hungry look of the Olsen Twins," but rather a Denny's Boca burger and whatever pill regimen that I'm on for the day. Throw in housework, and a committed relationship with relatives in tow and presto! your fucking plates full. And the beat goes on! Yes, everyday the pressure of keeping it all in some kind of order is what I live for. So for all you bozo's who don't have anything to do, get a life or either call me. I'd love to share...or least I'd like to think so.

Stayin Alive in 05!!

I actually survived another christmas assault and lived to tell about. I'm so glad to be on the other side of another year, even though as I write this I've found out that some are not so lucky. Nevethtless, the only New Year's resolution I have is to continue my efforts to make a difference in the incoming year. Taking time to write a letter to my congressman or make that all important visit to a legislator who ultimately needs a continuing reality check on the real "state of the state." This year I hope to empower others with the understanding that they too can make a difference from the context of there daily lives. To echo Churchill,"... we have nothing to fear, but fear it self." Yet, in my quest to assist, I will reserve the right to strike the right balance in regards to my personal live and those I share it with. I 've witnessed all to often that advocates and activist often burn the candle at both ends and usually flame out at some critical point. I encourage all activist to gear up for the long haul and not just today's enthusiatic lip service to the cause. We can't afford to keep restarting organizations or movements. Lately, we've found that it's a costly effort to re-tool and re-energize to take on the establishment which has many resources in it's arsenal. Our organizing skills and savvy are more important now than ever and in the words of our commander and chief, " failure is not an option." Therefore, as the new year begans, I say gentlemen and gentlewoman, rev up your engines and let's get this party started! Stay tuned....

Silent Night, Unsettling Nights in Arkansas

The stories surrounding the ADAP issue and subsequent investigations at the Arkansas Department of Health, continue to appear in the local Democrat Gazette and editoral page columinst such as Meredith Oakley are having a field day poking around the ruins of this mish mash of sorted doings. Meanwhile, those that are most likely to be affected seemingly sit idle, like fresh doe's caught in the headlights of an on coming car, not realizing what's going to hit them. According to Oakley, "critics" who state that the ADH's approach to assisting those deleted from the program and sent down the PAP hole in search of drug assistance may be overstating the situation, however, if the state can't seem to oversee invoicing procedures or actually defining program gudielines, what could you expect from office workers who will have to coordinate mountains of paper work in reference to a myraid of changing PAP regulations. These regulations vary from case to case and in some instances from patient to patient, depending upon product need and circumstances. It could be a dizzying array of follow-up, forms, income levels and timeliness, that undoubtly will cause some friction and treatment interruption. Ultimately, I question exactly who will be in charge of this task and what staffing will be put into place to hande the work load. Furthermore, I'm amazed at the finger pointing and lack of responsibility taken by superiors within the AIDS unit and up the chain of command to Director, Faye Boozemen. Apparently ,Ms. Thrower's "bosess" were delegators and "not in the loop" on activitites, goals or as some have whispered, not really interested in AIDS in Arkansas. In the meantime, the national publication, ADVOCATE, will be profiling this situation in a January 2005 issue and will attempt to disseminate how the system works and is it working. I suggest that some ADH officials as well as, affected patients may need to pick up a copy and take a gander to see if they can get some pointers.

A Double-Take...Is Rome burning in Arkansas??

Phones were ringing and the commuity has been abuzz concerning recent developments in the functioning of community based organizations and AIDS based organizations in greater Pulaski County and statewide. "People are talking," and speculating about the closing aftermath of certain agencies and what caused their demise. It seems they were closing faster that Bush Cabinet resignations could be counted. As the smoke clears, the landscape is littered with bits and pieces of such groups as Arkansas Equity Network, which began with fanfare and much publicize organizing meetings. Promising a "new day" in Arkansas advocacy including a statewide network of newly energized youth who would be pulling us all together to deal with the real issues that affect us internally.However, this groundswell of strident"fired up individuals" simply flamed out and drew it last breath a few months ago as it scurried it's reminants over to yet another agency, Positive Voices, who suffered a slow and I what I feel was an unfortunate death, when there was so many resources poured into this venture. Office furniture, computers, databases and other valuable tools needed for organizational work now become "returned inventory" to the Arkansas Health Department, who will distribute it to other entities within it's massive system. Futhermore,the continuing power struggle of the Stonewall Democrats caused them to get "un-noticed by the State Democratic machine,"thusly dropping the ball in the recent election cycle. This fumble cost us a more formal place at the political table and possibly some marginal clout. Of course due to a leadership vaccum, lack of capacity building empowerment and vision, these folks, despite their meager cash stash, seems to be confusion as to how t0 leverage the organization into something viable. Such a pity. Nevertheless, the alledged disarray at Future Builders has all but stymied this "so-called" ASO's effectiveness and impact on its stakeholders as well. Yet another group ripe for the non-profit trash heap. Meanwhile, budget cuts still loom, other area agencies continue to eek out a muddled existence, the ADAP waiting list is 33 weeks old with more names to be added, the media reported that "Gays Moving out of State.." when in all actuality, it's only one Lesbian couple moving to Oregon which does not qualify for a mass exodus, and the band plays on! Is this all a bad dream or am I like "Alice" falling into the looking glass and ending up in a bizarre paradigm. No silly, it's just the Body Politic of Arkansas' gay community, still wandering in the desert in search of the promise land.

Some one wake me when's it over!....

Will some one wake me when it's over. I mean the next four years of more swaggar and head spinning jargon about the war on terror and flag draped individuals who are concerned that staying "morale" but "fiscally bankrupt" is the higher ground. Last Tuesday's exercise in democracy is what America is all about. Our's, yours, and my right to vote my opinion on the course of the country, who leads it, and possibly give a message of where I think we should be going. Of course, I disagree with the present administration on the direction, however, the electorate has spoken and I have to accept it one way or another. Now, that this decision has been made, I need to assess what reactions will be necessary to deal with what lies ahead. I have heard from many who are simply incensed about the vote, yet, I believe that my fellow voters should turn that rage into more action to assist with advocacy groups and monitoring the voting records of those elected officials. When there is a "action alert" you should respond with a FAX, personal letter or call your representive to voice your dissent. The ballot box is certain power, but your constant watch and voice on a monthly basis carries much weight. Don't wait around for 2008. This democractic process goes on daily and being apart of the loop of information is imperative. The "political capital" that President Bush speaks of can only be expended if we stand by and allow him to spend it without a voice. Being a proud American is not always about winning, but having the right to keep playing in the game.
Stay Focused. Vigilant. Get Motivated. Monitor and REACT!!

Let's Keep Dancing...

The immortal songstress Peggy Lee had a standard hit entitled, "Is that all their is" back in the day when you really understood what the singer was saying and the song meant something more than noise. As a youngster, this haunting melody about jilted love and the melancholy of existence, never left my head and once I saw Miss Lee perform this number on television, I was hooked. Then and now, the song still rings in the back of my mind as I continue to deal with the complexities of life and the bureaucracy of the state. This time it's the City of Little Rock's enclosure about obtaining licenses for operating business in the city that came to my post office box. Actually, beknowned to the city, my P.O. Box is an attempt to create my own homeland security blanket as well as, also pursuing my hobby of collecting menus from extinct restaurants to hang in my, "Dead Restaurant Hall of Fame". I earn no revenue from this little venture, and this mail drop assist me in keeping credit card bills and other information sensitive mailings under lock and key. Therefore, giving me a peice of mind that I have some control and security over my own mail, if nothing else. With this in mind and a smirk on my face, I have written to Mayor Dailey,not challenging the notice, but rather inquiring about those "Tomaine Lunch Trucks" that I've seen lately in Southwest Little Rock. I asked if those individuals are being monitored and do they have licenses to set up shop in parking lots vs.my lowly post office box, where you can't get a plate of anything. Hopefully, the mayor or some assistant will find time to enlightened me and maybe look into the matter. When we hear from them you know it'll be posted here first. Until then let's just keep dancing...

Can We talk?? Part 2

In previous editions of this blog, I've vented my frustrations about state government, especially the Department of Human Services,who have "punted" my files from one desk to another. Recently, I heard from a caseworker, who gave me lame excuses and meandering explanations about how this mess occurred. My response: Blah! Blah! Blah! Of course none of this "voice message" to me, made any really sense and now I read that our slim fast Governor, Mike Huckabee has declined to provide any emergency relief to the state's AIDS Drugs Assitance Program from his discretionary fund which totals about $500,000. According to Health Department officials, the plans that they have resorted too, is placing individuals that they can't help on the entangled PAP's of pharmaceutical companies. This calls for a, "can we talk !" Even though these programs are devised to assist patients who can't afford their drugs, they are a juggernaut of paper work that must has every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed or you are well on your way to a drug holiday. As I have investigated, these programs also have a myriad of changing rules and expectations. For instance, criteria for Arkansas has changed at least 3 times over the past year. First you needed to have Viral load information, but you had no insurance to pay for the Lab, then in August, it didn't matter. Sorry, about that $500 bill and the lack of cohesion of information. Let's not mention the "medical advocate" component, who may or may not get your information sent in a timely matter. If not, guess what, you are penalize and sent in search of some one in customer service who can't really affirm if you will get a shipment or when it will be processed. The newest twist for one such program, has the participant updating their profile and getting "script" refills via the internet. Got the picture? Can you really imagine ADH figuring all this out and getting affected people on this medicine merry go round "seamlessly." Aren't these the same folks who have mysteriously re-deployed employees to other post from the STD/ HIV unit, alledgedly confiscasted computers, and is now in the grips of audits and media scrunity . Let's get real and face facts. The real problem here is a leadership vacuum and strategic preparation for dealing with this issue, which has been in the wings for some time now. This state was reported to be in a crisis mode from NASTAD in January 2004 and I personally stumped in Washington D.C. lobbying our congressional delegation about additional federal funding support for state ADAP's. So this dilemma begs that the question. Why do those in charge take the chicken little management approach and wait until the sky is falling before we make a move to rectify situations. I share Rep. Jay Bradfords sentiment that this is just a "dumb move" all the way around and couldn't be more ripe for reality TV. Stay tuned....

Can We talk??

I couldn't help but borrow the line, "Can we Talk ?..." from master people watcher and acerbic comic Joan Rivers, who would be spewing all kinds of obscenities at the Department of Human Services, if she had to endure the continuing lack of organization, that I 've had to face within the last few months. Supervisors not passing on messages, files missing or not seen by those who have made decision on the matter at hand, unreturned phone calls and the list just goes on. No wonder, we could'nt close any Arkansas revenue offices to save money, because we need every "warm body" that you can go through to get any services. It just seems so unbelieveable that in this "computer/ tech" craze world , that customer service hasn't really been enhance, but rather hampered. Especially with the advent of voice mail and messenging systems that no one seems to be actually using, except to avoid talking to anyone, Live. Over the pass week, I have called the Southwest Unit of the DHS, concerning the "paper trail" of an application to a local health agency. Repeatedly, a polite, yet droning voice mail has greeted me with a supervisors voice telling me that "she is not available to speak to me, but she is in the building. Leave a message and someone will return your call." Phooey! No one returns your call and if they do, they seem to busy trying to clear up all the other "files" that they are running behind on, to actually address your qustions with any real information. I realize that state workers feel that they are not appreciated or compensated well for the jobs that they do. I"ve heard it from more than one clerical or support person, who doesn't mind being a little dishey about state government. Even though not many seem to be relinquishing these life long valuable positions. However, perhaps to ensure that more work is accomplished may be we should consider offering a "peice" rate to clerical workers, similar to the now defunct garment industry.Certainly, this would certainly make things more accountable, since your pay would depend on how productive you are daily. The more completed files or retuned phone calls, the more your paycheck. What a novel idea? Absurd as this sounds, it worked years ago. My mother made a great living bagging blouses and pressing garments at a low rate that kept our familiy life humming along without missing a beat.I'm sure if she needed to complete files for living today, she would be leading the pack in getting the job done. Of course what this actually boils down to, is the lack of accountability and productivity in leiu of the "its just another applicant needing somthin," attitude that is prevelant at such agencies. Overall, I guess, I'd settle for some type of "can we talk action", but I would rather have a can we get something done action instead!! Stay tuned, take a deep breathe and let's see what the week has to offer. Until next time...

Cornelius Mabin, Jr. 

Now playing: Arkansas Fahrenheit 411

The last past week has been filled with so much activity and "goings On" that my legal pad had skid marks on it, just trying to keep up with it all. First out, congratulations to all the Compassion Award winners at the Arkansas AIDS Foundation's annual fundraiser held October 8. It was a virtual who's who in attendance especially at the table of which I was seated, which included Pat Obrien, County Clerk contender to Kevin Kresse, who desgined this years award. The Women's City Club provided an appropriate backdrop for the afffair and the foundation raised significant revenue for the coffers. Of course, my interest was piqued by those who attended and should have been ambushed by the "What not to Wear" team, but rather who wasn't in attendance. It seems that the notable mover and shakers of the gay community were "too busy" empire building to attend, but rather let their cash or lack of it speak for them.However, reliable sources in the know, have stated that some gay business people gave "much attitude" when approached about this years event. Unfortunately for the community and after all these years, it seems that the infighting as well as, those who share cubicles in "Ego Towers" are still alive and well. In another interesting note, last evenings program listed past winners which included, Lola Thrower, former ADH HIV/ AIDS administrator, who's program practices are under scrunity from internal ADH auditors and is getting much media attention. Enter Meridith Oakley, Democrat Gazzette colunmist, who has put her two cents in the frey using her column for a little "Throwering" and bashing those underlings who made those silly statements that they were "just doing there jobs." Ms. Oakley's probing questions and observations will ultimately put a bullseye on someone's back, because it seems that issue is becoming a blood sport for everyone, including some politicos who are demanding more audits, canceling that $53,000 computer contract for that unknown CBO (more on that later) and maybe some heads to roll to boot!! Someone call Michael Moore. All this as we attempt to celebrate National Coming Out day , October 11, 2004 in a state that has admendment 3 a "pro-marriage"/ anti-gay admendment on the ballot this November. To my dismay, I recently encountered some community members who thought that the admendment was actually going to provide them a means for wedded bliss, not ban it. And the courts said that this turkey was not confusing to the average voter. Go figure!

In search of "The facts, just the facts, mam!"

The political landscape contiues to wickedly wind it way to November, as the debates have now added another dash to the mixture that we as voters would like increased- "only the facts please!" Pundits, spin specialist and those talking heads such as Presidential advisor, Karen Hughes, seem to keep saying the same things repeatedly. As if they were a broken "replay" button on a CD player. Of course, they say these are "talking points" the campaign wants to re-emphasizes, despite they only address part of the what we the electorate wants- the facts mam, just the facts!
Locally, the speculation and "bad mouthing" concerning the recent developments at the Arkansas Health Dept.'s HIV/STD unit continues as the story appears in national AIDS media on the web. I recieved an e-mail entitled "clarifications,"dycring mis-information about the situation and a "lets throw no stones appeal," of former administrator, Lola Thrower. However,the rumblings that I've heard have actually painted the entire affair with a Soprano-esque atmosphere with Thrower as "mafia diva" simply blinded with power and feared by all who crossed her path. Of course this outrageous scenerio was given limited credence by statements from the Fort Smith Fights AIDS,Executive Director, Jay Burk who took the see no evil, speak no evil , hear no evil approach to management by saying,"...it wasn't his money...he was just doing his job." Meanwhile, as the world turns, the investigation moves forward and we close another session of talking out loud. Stay tuned...

Cornelius' Talking Out Loud " blog preparing for robust forum!

As I started this blog this month, I actually didn't realize how much time and work this would take. However, I am ready for the challenge and this blog will filled with the latest musing and going on's that come to my desktop. Of course in the politically charged atmosphere, I will began by urging everyone to VOTE. It is the most important statement as a citizen can make. This year it is so vital that each registered person go to the poll and make their choice, no matter what candidate. Over 40 Million women did not participate in the last cycle and millions of African Americans are still not even registered and time is simply running out to be certified. I can't emphasize how important it is to read everything possible and view the debated issues closely. Do not vote absetee, until you have filtered all the pertient information available and assessed the results of your decision. The ballot box is your personal statement on the direction of our country and the resulting legislation that can be passed. In closing, the old adage that rings true now and forever, "you got to stand for something or nothing at all." Register, find your polling place, contact the candidates campaign and above all...VOTE!! Stay tuned

The silence is over. Cornelius starts "talking out Loud"

Our world has changed so dramatically over the last decade. We have been thoroughly challenged by both national and global activities of such a magnitude that I could no longer sit in silence. The 21st centuries new tech advances have made it so simple that I could not resist joining those voices online via their web logs and the formidable landscape of "blogging." My comments will have a Arkansas homefront flavor, however,how could one not have some take on the national big tent of madness that we call the United States of America. I'm excited and simply in awe of the possiabilites that this new medium has in allowing an "every man" town square atmosphere that emphasizes that we all take a reality check. Stay tuned and let's get this party started. Welcome to my world!