Crowns Revisted 2006

And the winner is... were the words that I heard on that June night in 2002, not really expecting to hear my name, but hoping at least I had done my best as a contestatnt. To my utter suprise, the Mistress of Ceremonies, Dolly said, " a good buddy of mine, Cassausdra Manchester!" The audience errupted with cheers and well wishes from the darkened lounge. Fellow contestants stood steadfast and then offered there ceremonious well wishes. The crown was placed on my head by then, MGA Alexa Breckenridge and I was off to represent the title MGNLR 2002-2003, yet later discovering that all the glitter isn't gold. Flash forward to the 2006. The pageant season is again in full swing and I had to take a look back at the significance of that experience. My alter ego was something thatI dreamed up and was a creation that I had crafted over the years. But, the fact was that this character had always lived in me because it was apart of my self confidence, creative outlet and imagination, despite the reality that often I didn't really know what to make of it or how to exploit it. My winning the pageant was a small validation of all those things past, as well as, my embrace of all those who felt really proud of it. Of course those in my camp, long time companion James who served as Co-producer and friend Micheal who served in all capacities assured me to believe that I was a winner. This inner circle of love had actually prepared me for the tempest that was brewing on the horizon. Their support allowed me to withstand the lies, inundo, untruths and mischaracterazation that were espoused by disgruntled agitators. Consequently I was summoned to appear before the pageant Board of Directors on trumped up allegations that were being manipulated by forces "from the shadows" and further coerced by the State pageant promoter whom had differences with Dolly D productions, and a 20 year old business maneuver made by myself. I made the decision to not be apart of this mean spirited witch hunt that smelled of tacky ego's with vague recollections and small minded individuals who were being used as puppets to instigate this madness. The pageant agreement and subsequent fees associated with it did not state that my background would have any adverse affect on the outcome of the pageant. I contend that if there were going to be any issues, none of my money should've been accepted upfront. For those unaware, pageantry is an expensive venture where the contestant usually bears the all the cost involved. Even though fundraisers are held, these don't cover all cost. I actively sought out sponsorships and private donations to offset expenses. After the win, I was fortunate to have a sponsor who compensated me accross the board. Others are not so lucky. Yet,apparently those naysayers didn't abide by the good sportsmanship rule and accept this a fair outcome. This entire ordeal became a "reality check" to me about the pageant system and why these pageants have diminished in significance within the community. Historically, these pageant productions deemed themselves as avenues to creativity thusly producing pride and sportsmanship. However, I take exception that these "pageants" have subcumbed to real competition resulting in rather contrived "recycled productions" with often manipulated or questionable results. In my case, bold statements such as, "I wasn't expected to win the title", " I had secured special help," and that I should abdicate the title "because I wasn't prepared to take it to the state level," were hurtful and condescending. All of this engineering from somewhere over the "symbol of excellence," meanwhile participants who quietly acknowledged this misdeed, but didn't rally the cause. As I understand there have been many other cases using these tactics throughout pageant history. As for me, I resloved that I would rise above it all and continue to represent no matter the tensions. I felt that I exuded the real excellence that pageants tout, by remaining professional and meeting all scheduled commitments,even without participating in the state competition. I chose my comments carefully about the system while reigning and concluded as I started, a true winner in the eyes of the people who stood before me on that prideful night in June 2002. It was their support, belief and encouragement to which I owe a hearty thanks. Best wishes and good luck to this year's contestants, hopefully all that glitter's is really gold!

AIDS 25: Lives lost and lessons learned

It's almost surreal for me as I realize that AIDS turns 25 this year and that I've been apart of it's lifeline from the beginning. What's most disturbing is the fact that I probably won't live to see a cure or vaccine of this life changing disease that has touch people around the globe. In the early days, there was so much confusion and misinformation about exactly what was know then as an un-named disease that was affecting men primarily on the coast. The interior of the US seemed unaffected and unconcerned about what we would later find out about how this infection would cross all paths of our daily lives. As I read as much material as I could find and understand, It seemed that this modern day plague couldn't be defined and doctors were baffled as to treatment. All around me opinions abound and the terror of this crisis was mounting with each passing month. We seemed paralyzed as to what to do as we partied on and watched the horrifying death numbers rise. Nationwide organizations began to form and speak out about how our medical community was being overwhelmed and how ineffective our government, most notably lead by Ronald Reagan was playing politics, as people continued to die. Finally, the disease not only had claimed victims, it had a name,AIDS. For me, the swiftness and agony of it's effects was demostrated as I watched a friend, Mark slowly disappear and ultimately die. At his funeral I was stoic and attempted to understand why his life was cut so short. There were so many unanswered questions, too many blanks that were not filled in and so much left unsaid. To my dismay, this first death had not sufficiently prepared me for the many funerals to come, especially, my best friend Will, who I sat bedside with on his last full day of life. I remember vividly my outrage and frustration about these lost lives as well as the subsequent fallout that reverberates throughout. My world, my community and long time friendships were simply vanishing from the earth and for the first time in my life I felt helpless. Locally I participated in various organizations, fundraisers and attended meetings, with the hopes that I could affect change. Unfortunatley, the results were marginal then and now. Thusly here we are 25 years later with effective, but expensive drug cocktails to help individuals to live longer. Researchers are aggressively pursuing a vaccine and potential cure. Groups are still having fundraisers and the debates over government funding, intrevention preceptions and faith based methods often cloud the basic issue. Neverthless, we still have new cases of HIV still occuring in sectors of society accross the world. The recent May 2 part PBS special about the subject is a comforting signal that we will not be allowed to forget this journey. A sojourn in the age of AIDS that has deeply affected my life through the lives lost and lessons learned.

Cornelius' Divinci Code

It seems that the whole world has some vested interest in dicphering exactly what the code is in the Divinci Code. Even though the Dan Brown novel didn't make it to my bedside. I found myself immersed in the flurry of theroies about secret socieites, mysterious leaders and assorted characters that would have significant influences upon my own life as I started exploring and discovering my own Divinci Code. My allegiance to a not so secret society began many years ago as I was introduced to the "sinner's bench" and the doctrine of the New Light Baptist church. Every Sunday and Wednesday night or almost every time the doors were open, there I was being verbally whipped with the firey heat of the gospel, later to be submerged in the waters of salvation that I did'nt quite understand. Daily the scrolls were quoted and used to evaluate my destiny inconjuction to whether I would achieve not being left behind during the rapture. Inside my brain, I grappled with so many issues about who I was and exactly who were these people telling me to be. My journey led me to seek charts, graphs, dusty books and a host of documents to help me reconcile my inner feelings juxtaposed to that of the order. According to the Sisters of the pews there would be signs, blessed whispers and comfort in the holy artifacts that would usher me through the valley of death to the pinnacle of the light. Ultimately revealing to me the answer to the code and a shrouded cover-up that would clarify everything.... Art imitating life or Life initating art is a paradigm that we all continue to observe and dissect. Each and every day our hurried lives cause us to somehow to disconnect and tune out from each other. Brown's Divinci has ignited controversy, lawsuits,pronouncements and outrage. However, the good thing is that it has cause some of us to reconnect and engage in actual conversations again. I resoluted that my scavenger hunt with the church, even though tormenting in places, has had overall positive aspects. Finally, I've determined that the real answer to the code lies in my embracing the God in me, as well as, my personal relationship with him is all that really matters.

The United States of Understanding

The familiar Reganism of "it's morning in America..." has again become the backdrop from which many in this nation still grappled with some of the same ageless societal issues that we thought someone had addressed all those years ago. The first few months of 2006 has reminded us that those issues of days ago are still with us and more so. The culture wars that can be plainly defined in this country have reached a boiling point with such flashpoints as illigal immigrantion, border and port security, entitlements, earmarks, gay marriage and yes, even racism has creeped back into the consciouness of our daily lives. As I compose this piece I can't help but reflect on the life I've lived thus far and try to assess if any progress has been made and what lies ahead for the future. I was extremely reminded of this when I was picked up a copy of the Pink Spectrum, a local alternative magazine, exclusively devoted to covering the entertainment outlets in the central Arkansas area. The cover story was promoting entertainer Shirley Q. Liquor at Jester's, an alternative bar in Hot Springs. The character portrayed by comic actor/ drag queen Charles Knipp, can be described as a "Obese Black Women of questionable literacy who has birthed 19 children and has a dimwitted view of the world." Mr. Knipp, a former preist and Quaker minister who purports to belive that his comedy takeoff is a bow to legendary lesbian comic Mom's Mabley. Plus he affirms that his legions of fans, including "SuperModel of the World", Rupaul, that this type of humor is not a throwback to the ministral shows of yesteryear, but rather is his version of edgey comedy and social commentary that we shouldn't get upset about. Adorning a pink wig, oversize wardrobe and tragic dark cosmetics covering his obvious white face, Knipp devolves into his "stepin and fetchit" peresonna thusly bringing Shirley to life. He has been touring basically gay bars and other venues for a few years and has an acerbic website with other methods of his madness. Throughout his career Mr. Knipp has seemingly engaged mostly white audiences with the "Eubonics of Ignunce" from a character who espouses philosophy ticks that range from the ridiculous to the offensive, all in the vein of attempting to get laughs. Knipp staunchly defends his characters bold statements as "race relations 101," due to the fact that Shirley is actually poking fun at White people and their missed cues about other black people, especially since he grew up around blacks for which he grew an affinity and in his words, respected. To be fair I had not seen SQL live, but I did view some video clips of his musings, website and show footage,and personally I was not amused. Of course as a fellow creative being, I respect the creative process and realize that often edgey comedy, i.e. South Park, Mad TV,the White Chicks movie featuring the Wayans brothers and Def Comedy Jam all provide avenues to express humor that appeals to certain audiences. I embrace the First Amendment rights of expression and will be the first to defend it, yet I do resevere the right to cite an act as in "Bad Taste", even though I have no objections to his performance rights. Futhermore, gay media as well as culture has had a variety of issues with it's characterization of People of Color and it's ability to deal with racism. For your information, Two San Francisco Bars were cited by the city and sued over racial profiling and discrimination in 2005! On the homefront, I also ponder the mindset of the local bar owner who would promote this type of comedy despite it's "toxically politically incorrect," approach to comedy as reviewed by the Atlanta Journal- Constitution when Shirley Q. Liquor was dropped from a local Georgia fundraiser. Did the Owners of Jester's realize that this show has been canceled in New York and Boston due to obejctions from local organizations whom objected to this type of humor. Are the Owners seriously suggesting that the community of Hot Springs would openly embrace entertainment such as this without question or is this an attempt to "shock and awe" an audience into attendance? I shutter to think so. Finally, no one enjoys a bit of bawdy comedy more than myself, however, I can't endorse or remotely support this type of gutter humor that panders to the obsurd and masquerades itself as plausible social commentary. I suggest that patrons of Jester's inquire to the owners as to there motivation for this action and react accordingly. It may be morning in America again but, I bet Mom's Mabley is probably shaking her head and rolling in her grave over how little we seemed to have learned.

Postcards from The Edge of Reality

As I compose this session of The Body Politic, the politics of our nation continues to take knee jerk courses of action to deal with our ongoing internal dilemmas. Recent demostrations and proclamations from "undocumented" individuals better known as illegal immigrants, has piqued my senses and cause me to assess not only the issue of any illegal immigration, but also the processes involving how we handle people in personal jeporady. I don't consider my views racist or in the vein of bigotry, but unfortunately, we are all to blame for some of these problems. We have allowed the U.S. Congress to continue to be wishy-washy with the functioning of our country. Our mere abdication and disengagement with our policy makers at all levels of government have provided us with broken borders, disfunctioning governmental agencies such as FEMA, SBA,Department of Interior and the Department of Homeland Security. It is a bitter pill for me to swallow when these protesters are in the streets demanding so-called rights and a pathway to citizenship altered from the established laws. The fact that the law of our land has been usurped and dismissed by an estimated 12 million people is simply too much to accept. I am not advocating massive deportation because it's probably not practical. Even though we are spending thousands of dollars daily "actually deporting" new arrivals by jetliner to destitnations in the heart of Mexico and beyond. I believe that in order to stem this tide we must start with securing the borders. Futher address the urgent resources available to our border patrol, adhere to the laws that have been enacted, severely punish business interest that employ any undocumented workers and hold everyone accountable for their inaction dealing with formal immmigration. Universally, it seems that we have'nt had the best track record for the management of people issues. Homelessness is still rampant throughout our nation and certainly here in Arkansas. Despite task forces, NGO's, Nonprofits, homeless advocates and city fathers, we are still embroiled in how we approach this ongoing human crisis. Recently, I saw some raw footage from Homeless Activist Charles Neeley who has joined the legion of citizen journalist who take cameras to the issue and give it a face. The segments offered a stark and revealing attitude from a service provider and possible clients. The footages featured a verbal exchange with the local Salvation Army's Lodge Manager who had been rather abrupt with two women seeking services prior to the center's opening. The manager cited the cities loitering act and ejects them from the premises. Later he summons the police when confronted by Neely about his aloof attitude. It would be in the best interest of the Salvation Army, a 501c 3 "Tax Expempt" organization to further address this incident and seek to save face with the public that it constantly cajoles with pleas of financial assistance. It would seem that they would'nt need any additional public relation debacles since the alleged misappropriations during Hurricane Katrina. If you would like links to the acutal video stream, e-mail us at Nealix101@comcast and we will provide it. Look for more video and citizen journalism from this site, so stay tuned and let us hear from you!

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Deconstructing Cornelius... Part Two

Item: The bush Poll numbers are in and the Bush White House has decided that polls, no matter how low they may go, do not superseded the administrations domestic agenda, foreign policy development and of course their committment to the war on terror. How much more of this will the "American people" take. Well, I say a whole lot more because the alternatives a far and few. The endless finger pointing, rampant flip-flopping and muddled viewpoints from both sides of aisle is simply mindnumbing. As a member of this democracy I'm finding that democracy is over classified, sometimes secretive, jargon filled and awashed in reports galore that the electorate ( that's you and me) don't have a clue who or what to believe. And just think, India is the world's largest Democracy? No wonder those mangoes are so good?

Item: Tavis Smiley once again gathered the usual suspects(Malvo, Sharpton, Congress folks and of course, Farrakhan) to harken to the Black community about our "State of the Union." It seems that this day long think tank of innovators,commentators, and agitators filled the airwaves with various rememdies to our assorted ailments. The new "Covenant" edited by Smiley, is being totuted as the Holy Grail to a more prosperous Black Nation and yet another blueprint to get our shit together. However, in my everyday life, my encounters with "my people" are often not to pleasant. Just the other day a male salesperson at a Drive thru window handed my order to me without every acknowleding me at any point. He handed my credit card slip, my package and close the door in my face. Another case in point, was my visit to Target recently as one of my "sisters" walked behind me while on her cell, openly cursing and smarting off to the listener all for my hearing pleasure. And finally, I am disgusted at the those Afro-Americans who fill the University Denny's Restaurant at 4 A.M. on weekend nights and act like banchees from the Congo. Most likely none of these people that I've mentioned saw the program, or will ever read this Covenant. Kudos to those participants and Smiley for another year of interesting rhetoric and intellecutal spin. We'll see you next Black History Month and so it goes...

Item: In an effort to stay on the cutting edge and bring you all the latest pings from the internet,we are now offering those cutesy Obama/ Clinton 08 mugs for your shelves. If you are interested, email us at Nealix101@comcast.net and we will hook you up. As soon as possible we will get a direct link on this site. Also we will be adding audio blogs and sending you video clips from time to time. So Come back and read ahwile.

Deconstructing Cornelius... part one

We are only 57 days into 2006 and the world and it's players have begun the yearly jaunt of madness. I was so hoping that we could at least get half way through before I started to suffer from "ignorance" overload from the various levels of governement and my fellow citizens. However, I have already started the "deconstructing" process of myself, by positioning my intellect in strategic offense to thwart the government spin verbage, those daily outright lies we have to endure and the "what in the hell were they thinking" catergory that's often brimming with so many obsurd tidbits they cause me to make sure that I've been properly medicated.

In the 2/11/06 edition of the Arkansas Democrat Gazzette, I read an unsettling story concerning the Dept. of Health/ HIV Unit "so-called" scandal of 2005. It seems that the former Team Leader, Lola Thrower was found gulity of "aiding and abbetting" connected indivudals, Lee Langston, Rev. Lamar Wright and M. Blackmon, with gaining access to federal funds. Believe it or not, Rev. Wright was on the Broadway Joe Talk show on KOKY seeking donations for his "Save the Children Project" from the African American commninty on 2/26/06. Even though I have'nt had a chance to read the complete case history, I have mixed feeling concerning the entire affair and the republished stories that have literally reached from coast to coast. Since this case broke, the rumor mills and gossip mongers have had a field day with what appears to be some misinformation, conspiracy theories and many venomous character attacks from all sides. I'm not condoning such misdeeds, but would be open to hearing the facts that has caused this error in judgement. According to court documents the sentencing for Thrower will occur in June. As this matter closes, I can't help but ponder is the HIV division any better off, are services enhanced? Does any know or care? Stay tune...

February, the shortest month of the year is also known as Black History Month and the usual suspect trout out to give there ceremonious salute to famous African- Americans past and present. Yet, this year actor Morgan Freeman stated that this reconignition has run it course and is no longer needed. His pearls of wisdom were apart of an interview with 60 minutes dieheart Mike Wallace, whom seem genuinely suprised at his firmness about the issue. As for myself, I don't share his view. I feel it's important that we keep the fire of the month burning all year.Especially, since each day we are making Black history, by continuing to pursue courses of empowerment, excellence and the destiny we have been appointed. Mr. Freeman's remarks are well respected since he feels that we should move past distinctions and revel in our commonality. I'm for all of that and keeping the month as well. Why don't you surf over and check out Blackpeople.com for some interesting reading.

The OC in 08. I was stupified when I saw this direct marketing blurb as I was surfing the net. My curiosity was peaked and I had to find out if this was that dredded TV show about beautiful people or a new cleaning product. NO, it was a line of items touting the political ticket of Hilary Clinton and Osama Obamma for President in 2008. This unlikely coupling would certainly be a hoot and holla for the spin cycles of America. Perhaps I will offer some of those items here for your collections. After all, it's all about for the people and by the people. Let me know what you think, nealix101@comcast.net

No Casseroles

As we grow older and become updated figments of our parents, we often reflect on the many conversations or either those catechism that our elder nuturers have shared with us over the years. These nuggets of wisdom and muster usually are deflected by us as we find our way to maturity, yet one that sticks in my mind and constantly haunts me, is from my mother who always states," as sure as we live, we all gotta die." This breif statement rooted in her overall embracing of religion, not only rings ture, but has provided my with some comforting relief despite it's ominous meaning. With each death in our family we have been surrounded by the outpouring of services, goods and most of all food. All these wonderful breads, beverages and other comfort foods, are a common display of condolences from your community. I witnessed many friends, neighbors, and strangers alike offering there contributions of eggs, juices, hams and other covered dishes. Traditionally in the Black community, funerals although a sad occasion, are treated as a unique "home going" for the deceased and a celebration of fellowship with those commemorating their life. My recent lost of my youngest brother was reinforced with this showering of concern and respect for the love ones who were left behind. But, as I stood amidst all this warmth and endearing atmosphere, I couldn't help but feel some contempt and an uneasiness that perhaps I hadn't developed binding relationships to have personal friends who seemed moved to respond. Looking around the various deliveries, I had hoped to find some notes from people I knew, but I found no care packages, no cakes and most of all, no casseroles. In the subsequent weeks, my thought patterns hearkened back when I lost my lifemate in 1995. Despite my stern demeanor then and now, I've analyzed that those strong ties and friendships that I thought I once had, have all but become surface memories and occurrences of times past. Our tiny apartment we shared, once hosted many with our brand of hospitality, but was a hub of silence prior to the funeral and certainly afterwards. I didn't experience the same warmth and love that all these years later I'm seeing being directed to my immediate family. Cultivating and neutering relationships are a necessity in human contact, especially when celebrating a home going. I have to assume my responsibility in keeping contacts alive and making efforts to stay in touch. Over the years, some have perceived me to be aloof and distant. I stand guilty, but life has a way of forcing change in a person and I have been in a constant exploration of my purpose as well as my legacy to the world. Nevertheless, today's society is so fraught with individuals who are caught up in "keeping up appearances," that often we are repelled at peeling away the many mask that approach us daily. Forging careers and ultimately finding a lifemate is paramount,but rediscovering old friends and making new ones must be apart of that strategy. Just as my mother's adage reaffirms, I have to add, even though "we all must die", I hope that I ultimately don't do it without some true friends. Feel the need to reach out and touch at Nealix101@comcast.net

Ladies and Gentlemen...Big Brother is in the house!

There it was, as predicted by George Orwell and all those other ancient soothsayers from days gone by. Big Brother has entered the lives of ordinary people just like you and me. Our U.S. Government has been eavesdropping on phone calls and other communications outlets searching for those ultimate connections to anything "terrorist related." It wasn't good enough that the Patriot Act allows the good ole protectors of freedom a means to look at your library card, validate your Identification, maybe even list you, as they did Senator Ted Kennedy, on the "Do not fly" list. Who in there cotton pickin mind doesn't know that Senator Kennedy is not affiliated with Al-queda, but rather those other guys who continue to terrorize us all with bad legislation.Believe it or not, all in the name of safety and the ultimate White House catch phrase of the century, Homeland Security. Depsite my better judgement, I was grudingly beginning to accept some of this safety jargon, until the latest news flash included that the Feds were now not only, wanting to expand their noisy searches into your land activities but, also your cyberspace doings. Recently their demands from ISP's concerning web searches involving porno or "other highly charged sexual content" based on current Child Porno laws sends mixed messages to me. Well, enough is enough as far as I'm concern. As a citizen I demand that we be allowed to exert some bounderies when it comes to personal privacy.I don't pass any judgements on that industry, even though I have a distaste for that type of material and those who are obsessed with Twinks and Toddlers for their sexual gratification.This behavior is a social ill that is perplexing to say the least and certainly warrants much attention.However, I'm very concerned with the fact that so much personal information is being ping-ponged around and that our every day lives are almost open books for all to see. You can't cash a check or even some places make a deposit without proper I.D., your doctor's office knows everything about you including your weight and this is just a start. The mortage company, credit card folks, and just about anyone who will do business with you, wants to be in all of" your business" regardless to what you may think. My personal experience with this all too intrusive peek into my life has had me "going off" several times via creditors or advertiser attempting to tell me what's best for me and why I should bow to their suggestions. I simply reject the notion that every micro-bit of my personal info somehow sums up everything about me, afterall, I know for a fact that I'm a work still in progress. Yet, the government's stealth approach of spying on it's citizens, in the name of security or being interested in where I spend time on the web has me rather bothered, as it should all of you. Where does it end and will any of us have a say as to how far these intrusions will position themselves within our lives. Consequently, all of this activity is an echo's Orwell's book 1984, and more recently the rantings of those supporting players in the movie Network, who followed the advice of the newscaster character, "...go to your windows and scream out, I mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!..."

2005: The Year that was and was not so good.

Each year at this time we hear from all the ususal "end year" pundits and naysaysers who recollect all that was notable for 2005. Ususally they painstakinly point out the various mishaps and the "oh so shocking" scandals that are suppose to send vibrant currents of concern through our systems. Therefore, I can't just miss the opportunity to first brag about our new blog look and our new moniker,"CorneliusOnpoint."
This growing new medium is allowing me to be the ultimate "shot caller" and "rim rocker" if I so desire. Unfortunately, our fair city has'nt be able to sustain any type of real media to state the facts or highlight our internal best interest. For too long, the community has been monoplized by short sightedness and all to often petty value systems that have caused any type of media to be one sided, void of any discourse or quality information. I have always encouraged breaking those chains of bondage and beholdings to an atmoshpere that is not empowering but rather self defeating and depricating. Therfore, I am attempting to fill the breach with my own take on where we've been and what were doing now. So as 2005 dawned, we all saw the formation of yet another organization filled with promise. The ADAP working group that was going to re-address AIDS issues in Arkansas held a planning meeting, elected a slate of officers and subsequently hosted a Capitol Hill luncheon to boot. However, since that grand send off and few conference calls later, nothing much has been heard from this outfit. What gives! I personally volunteered to assit, however to my chagrin my expertise was idled and untapped. Meanwhile, this was only the first of my 05 volunteer debacles. The other was with the local CBO, AAF, which actively pursued me but then decided that I was a bit too organized and aggressive as an effective board member. I know you are as I was scrathing my head going, Huh, you got to be kidding? No folks I don't make this stuff up. As the year progressed I watched as the gay community of Conway again put on it's Annual Gay Pride Parade, filled with the usual suspects except those who turned out last year as opponents. It seems that this event went bust as a "news event" because there wasn't really much news, just a replay and a recast of characters who mugged for the cameras. The side stories involving the guy who dumped the "do do" at that dredded purple abode better known as Casa Gayland was fined but had no remorse for his smelly act.Also the "oh so fired" radio personality who passed out porn in his briefs and his partner in crime, went to court and got some type of mismash sort of justice that really doesn't mean much. And the year rolled on or should we say walked on in step with the locally produced AIDS Walk that doesn't seem to be catching on fire with any significant growth but has flamed out a separate "walk" produced by some disgruntled participants from the original. This action calls for the Rodney King anthem of "Can't we all just get along?" On a positive note, the Sidetracks establishment has been doing it's best to rekindle bar life as we once knew it. The owners attempts to create a friendly atmosphere and value does strike a meaningful chord. Other 2005 winners can include Easy Street with it's new additions and forward looking plans. Even though it's homey feeling is similar to that of Cheers, it's not a place where everyone knows your name, but it seems that every body is an investor. Nevertheless, The Factory may fill both bills of looser and 2005 winner.The change in owners has been winningly marginal but the establishment is now a "Hip hop, Latino,Twink, alterntive,dance and drag palace all under one roof and that has some bar goers decreeing it a looser. Not to mention that, rumors abound that there are plans to add "Private late night hangout" to its roster of titles. Only time will tell. On the Political front there seem to be some candidates such as Kathy Webb among others that are evolving from the shadows to run for office. I hope that they are able to create a base of support that will spur some type of unity in this area. Dear Reader, by the time you read this, 2005 will have come and gone, with these items just barely scratching the surface of the year that was and was not so good in Arkansas. However, I look forward to 2006 when I plan to give more of my personal best to this medium and be a conscious observer of our culture. I am hopeful that next year will be better and if not, I'll back to tell you all about. Stay tuned....

Cornelius goes Hot, Live and otherwise!!

I have been thrusted into the 21st century like gangbusters. The new ways and means to connect with the world has been almost overwhelming and certainly empowering. A few years back, I thought I would fall victim to the dredded "digital divide" and not be able to access the super highway of the internet. But my due diligence and determination to learn all the up and comming gizmo's was at it's pitch fever this year.Each day technology seems to morph over night and I keep finding my self adjusting the learning curve to stay current. Amazingly, in my outreach to the "netsphere" I've found so many willing mentors and those who are at the pinnacle of all things net. Yet, with all this rapid fire communicating, I have been befuddled at the lack of public comment and dispering of pertinent information about the issues concerning the community. It seems that one of the lone voices out here is Bob Coffey's, "The Notes" which frequently falls into my mailbox. His efforts to inform and offer a plethora of updates about homeless issues, AIDS info and other valuable nuggets, simply dwarfs the other CBO/ Foundation that supposedly is the lead agency in the area. As a matter of disclosure, I am a former board member, who withdrew his membership due to a conflict of interest. Nevertheless, there seems to be a continuing void in the public message of this conclave, as well as, other emerging concerned citizens such as the Gay and Lesbian Pride Group. It is unrefutable that the Net has developed into a direct source to individuals with abilities to inspire, motivate and admonish. Web sites for the metro area community bars and other entities abound. Most with outdated information, promotional dogma or a lack of any real content. Supposedly, the new proposed Pink Pyramid site touts that it will be the hub of "what's going on," yet the vibe I get is that it will be more of the same. Therefore, I step into the breach with my series of both composed and audio blogs dealing with all of the issues at hand. My approach is to be an omnivorous observer with a sense of fairness and objectivity in all my commentaries. This new medium is bold and allows us to firmly place ourselves right in each others face. I'm ready for the challenge...are you?

In Search of "The Secret!"...continues

It is amazing that I have spent many of my productive years attempting to put my finger on the how, what, when and where I may fit into my version of community. Unfortunately, after all this time, I am still perplexed as well as, still searching for that elusive connection that would offer me a more energize conduit to all those who share my passion and interest. Over the last 20 years, I have analyzed, compromised, and idealized what "community" meant to me and how my contributions, whether they be large or small, would be utilized within its structure. So far, I have concluded that the communities of family, ethnicity, career and friendhship networks, that I thought I was apart of was perhaps a mirage within my imagination. These necessary suppport systems have become seeminly cloaked in my personal hopes, steeped in various disappointments that lie in the shadows of my ongoing fears, causing me to re-evlaute my relationship to each of them. Overall, I believe that as I unlock the elements of "The Secret," I will re-establish the synergy with individuals of like minds who will help me soar to new heights. Certainly, I have taken into account that the forces throughtout my scope of "community" has been dealt a serious blow with not just the AIDS crisis, but rather a barrage of socio- diseases, including alcoholism, mental illness,other susbstance abuses and the gnawing pressures of the "six degrees of separation" paradigm at large. Consequently, I've summerized that despite it all, a serious disconnect has to be countered, resulting in eliminating my doubts and confusion about the community that I so often took for granted. Ultimately, "The Secret" will set in motion answers to the basic questions of "where is the community that claims me and what are they expecting of me as the years continue to turn?" Must I comtemplate that my journey and experiences thus far have had very little intrinsic value, or worthiness to enhance those who will finally inherit my place within this microcosm. I shutter to think that much of my time has been squandered and those contributions have all but been forgotten, due to our "blink" culture which is always ready for the next big thing. The awful reality that exist is that the quasi communities I thought I knew and embraced, although flawed are actually still in need of soulful indidviduals such as myself to give them purpose and direction. However I'm determined that despite my current disillusionment, I intend to fill my spirit with all that I find within the scrolls of "The Secret" to secure a better future for myself and all that I touch. Join me as I search for clues at www.what-is-the-secret.com

We are family or are we???

"We are family...I got all my sister's and me...! The anthem was a rallying cry of yesteryear and I really thought that we were a family and would be always. I embraced the wondrous like beings who I felt had accepted me as part of the larger group, known as "The Community". However, 20 years have past and now I stand perplexed as to what happened to the community that I often spoke of, and thought I had allegiances too. What happpened to the family that proudly proclaimed that we would be concerned about our civil right to the pursuit of life and liberty? Where are those dieheart individuals who came to meetings and offered pearls of wisdom that would benefit us all? Are there any real answers to these questions, perhaps not. Apparently the 21st century has ushered in a reclusive "tech" mentality that has engulfed the community, almost snuffing out the comraderie of bar life as we have known it. However, in efforts to counter this trend, local entreprenuers have desperately scrambled to redefined their customer base including expanding their appeal by becoming "alternative lifestyle" or trendy Rave hangouts. "The bar" is no longer the bastion of community information or physical activity hub. The once gathering community, subsequently fractured community, has now disintergrated. The soul of that community, that I knew has become a mere shell of it self, leaving me wondering if my past contributions, no matter how large or small, have all but become a memory. A victim of the new "blink" society we now live in, where waiting for the next big thing reigns supreme. Especially if it can be offered through your webcam or courtsey of your front door. Consquently, my minor offerings will have no real lasting affect on those who will take my place within this microcosm. The mutal goals that I thought we shared have not truly been realized and there is much work still undone, unevaluated or unaccomplished. Unfortuantely, as I look around for willing workers, I have discovered that not only are they far and few, but they are disregarding lessons from the past. Neverthless, precious resources are becoming seriously limited, leadership vaccums abound and results will be highly scruntinized. It seems so unreal that the promise of a united commnuity is still as elusive as it was all those years ago. However, as the echoes of the past fade to black and the midnight dancing continues on a Friday night, only the music has changed. Closing my eyes, I cherish the soundtrack of those times and their endearing lyrics will always strike a chord with me. Not as an old school hit, but rather a fond memory of what we thought would be or could be someday.

The Secret is about to be revealed !....

www.what-is-the-secret.com

On the horizon, a final stage full moon was slowly rising, emitting Luna's haunting glow and intrinsic charm that captured my attention. I could just imagine that this same lunar latern probably had cast a spirited eminence over the sands of Africa, bouncing light off Pharos and down into the catacombs of the Valley of the Kings where whispers are still heard. From that valley to the Far East and around the rest of a restless world, power brokers have struggled to control the flow of information, the far reaching knoweledge and the ultimate treasurer trove of prosperity that only a few have been privy too. I too, as I gaze into the streams of Mother's Nature moonlight, lie in wait for my chance to view the scrolls and unearth the volocity of their meanings which hold, "The Secret."
Being successful and finding the right source to accomplish the task have always been on my radar. It seems that certain elements and cornerstones must be in place in order to unlock the gates to a gainful existence. Realizing the paradigms of "The Secret" will allow me to further understand how those great empire builders such as Rockefeller, Carnegie, Dupont and Ford were able to use it's contents to create everlasting dynasties. The American industrial revolution has been transformed by new discoveries in the 21st century, however, the basic elements found within the scrolls of " The Secret" are fundamental composites that I know will align, as well as, propel me toward the my goals. I can't be fatalistic about the possiablities because believing in myself, embracing my faith and designing the best business model will provide me a sound foundation. Afterall, in the words of Spike Milligan, " money can't buy you friends, but it can get your a better class of enemy." I'll take my chances. Let's find out together as we all prepare to share, "The Secret."! Check it out at, www.What-is-the-secret.com

"And now a message from our sponsors..."

There it was. Another reminder from yet another product or service deivised to find it's way into my purse, pocketbook, wallet or fanny pack. All through the day and much of the evening, we are constantly bombarded with the message that we simply don't have enough stuff to either gaurd, proctect, satisfy or wreck havoc over our daily lives. Just one more infomerical to state that "if you don't have this and don't order it "now," you'll going to be somehow unable to complete the rest of your days on Earth, not to mention get to sleep after watching this crap. Sometimes, I wonder how did we get here and why so many people are now suffering from type of conpulsive order or another. They've filled their lives not with a loving spirit, but rather hapless products ranging from the unused thigh master to the insipid singing Bass that flops around for your distatseful pleasure. Some individuals are actually drowing in the crass commericalization of their being with so many items that they have found some type of sick affection for these inanimate objects of their desire. The bottom line, they can't part with it any of it, whether it be a use tube of cosmetics that may have one more use or stacks of Ladies Home Journal that will never see a reading light ever again. Consequently, I 've decided to do my part and get rid of the crap, by saying "good night Irene" to many of the trinkets of past lives that no longer have any significance to my present. However, I've gone one step further and decided to cleanse much of my entire being by realizing that old habits and desires also need to be re-exaimined and purged. Making up for lost time by reaffirming my self to myself, therfore contemplating my future as well as, impending mortality and or legacy. I don't want to be remembered for all the stuff I had, but rather what I did with my stuff by either donating to worthy causes or other erstwhile charities.I want my earthly possesions to eventually keep on giving long after I've departed the scene and perhaps if we took the mountains of no-nothing junk that keep growing each year in garages around the nation and decidely make less purchases of addtional baby strollers, tea service, beer teddys or other non-useful crap. We could just establish funds to further education or elevation of human kind. Perhaps entertaining the novel idea of just saving more money to take of lingering existence would be good cause. Yet, I'm putting my money where my frustration lies. I am committing to not to buy items that I simply don't really need or do anything to make my life more enriched. Ultimately, if the "six degrees of seperation" paradim really exist, I hope that those who are within my six degrees will do the same and not buy anything while there thinking about it.

Somewhere over the Rainbow...

"Time seems to fly when your having fun," is the old adage that I remember from days gone by. However, as I've gotten older, I am finding less fun as time flies by. It amazes me how most folks think I'm leading some kind of charmed life. "You know, Cornelius, you are so lucky and have such a wonderful life," they easily quip. Well, I not sure what they deem so damn lucky about an individual who has persevered through a great deal of cow dung to find some level of satisfaction within himself and his surroundings. I can't imagine that working in dead end jobs, striving to be respected in the hospitality arena and crawling my way through the mine field of the new "PC" alternative lifestyle, all that lucky. Yet, it seems that my destiny is to survive and I now know that this is my God given mission in life. To offer to others the message that you can survive despite life's shortcomings or your own. I've decided that at 44, I'm going to do more to find inspiration in life and give that away to those who can't seem to find some crumbs of peace in their respective lives. The idea is not new, nor the message, just the honesty of the messenger. I'm going to pursue those goals that I thought unobtainable or beyond my ability. For too long, I've neglected the diamonds in the rough that have littered by pathway. It's time that I pick them up and polish them to their true luster. Despite all that has transpired in the last few months, including a totaled vehicle and the subsequent nightmare that goes with settling the matter, my impending hip surgery, sojurn through the Social Security maze and my entreprenurial dream that seems to be slowly slipping away, have made me aware that pain can propel you to greater heights. It is through this pain that you can find some of your greatest strength and I should know. Amen.

Eyes on the Prize....

It was a cool January morning when the FedEX guy dropped by the Club with a letter package. I actually wasn't concerned, because ususally I didn't recieve much mail at the club, however, today would be different. "Cornelius, this seems to be for you. I went ahead and signed for it," said the customer service clerk." Well, I wonder what the heck it could be," as I began opening the packet. Inside I would find that a contest that I had entered was informing me that I had won the Grand Prize upon my completion of the enclosed documents. At first, I was preplexed, then, confused, until I continued to read the letter. It was the advertising contest that I had sent in an entry to and thought perhaps I had no chance of winning, yet the letter stated that I had pervailed. However, months later, and somehwhat embarrassed because I did tell a few close friends about the winfall, I have heard nothing from the contest or winnings to crow about. I followed the instructions to the letter and was very prompt about it's return. I just can't understand what would be the delay. I've been extremely patient and hopeful that one day, the prize would show up and I would feel like one of those clearinghouse winners, but nothing, so far. RATS! I can't just stand by and not know something, so I've decided to send a letter to the contest HQ and ask the proverbial question, "what gives!" The prize would definately come in handy, since my arthritic condition is making me uncertain about my working future and often I feel I'm almost one paycheck away from loosing it all. Yet, I've decided that "my eyes" shouldn't be on the earthly prize offered by man, but rather on the supreme being that comforts me,has provided for me and has brought me this far in life. My faith in the heavenly prize of eternal life and salvation is actually the real prize I should focus on and realize that it doesn't come by FEDEX.

Pardon my Dust...

Lately I've begun to wonder am I getting slower or is time simply moving faster. It seems that the days are passing quickly and then they turn into months and I can't seem to keep up with it all. I've downsized, computerized and homogenized as much of my daily life and yet, I keep getting that feeling that something is slipping by me. I have more gadgets to keep me organized and more bags to carry them all in, not to mention calenders, daytimers and alarm clocks to keep me in sync with where I'm suppose to be and what the hell am I suppose to be doing when I get there. Nevertheless, my concept of time seems to getting fat doses of energy from the world at large. Infusing my "time space" with twenty-four hour networks of news, gossip,infomercials and frivilous productions designed to fill time on all these channels that some how I'm suppose to watch. Then there's the daily snail mail barrage that I have to filter and re-filter on a daily basis. I have resorted to calling some companies to tell them that I no longer want to be on there mailing list, however, the damn stuff keeps coming and I now need more trash cans to take of it all. Is it time that speeding up or am I slowing down trying to take it all in, so perhaps maybe I won't miss something or better yet I'm re-reading some of it because I simply don't understand why I'm being solicited in the first place? No wonder I can't keep the place dusted, becuase I spending so much time emptying the trash from all the mail that I didn't ask for. Well I guess it doesn't matter because now I'm out of time!

Don't have anything to do...Call me!

I have no reason for not posting to this medium. Except that I've been busy with organizing my life so that I can keep up with all the responsibilities that I've accepted. What I mean is, I've become belligerent and somewhat miffed at those who keep telling me that they are bored and don't have "anything to do!" What the heck do you mean I keep asking? Well if you don't have anything to do give me a call. To begin with there is this blog medium which needs much attention and sometimes more attention than I have to offer. But, no excuses,as I rush into action and get my thought patterns energized as the keyboard blazes hot with my attitudes and inquisitive style. Then let's talk about some of my committee work that entails in person meetings, e-mails, and conference calls to boot. Trying to assist in changing the world or at least inform them that there are people out in the real world that need to be heard from can be more than just challenging, it can be quite rewarding. We need more people to give it a try. Of course, because I'm not as young as I'd like to be, I have to deal with the daily grind of keeping my body in some type of motivated shape. That's not repeating the Anna Nicole mantra of "Love my body" or the chronic "I'm really hungry look of the Olsen Twins," but rather a Denny's Boca burger and whatever pill regimen that I'm on for the day. Throw in housework, and a committed relationship with relatives in tow and presto! your fucking plates full. And the beat goes on! Yes, everyday the pressure of keeping it all in some kind of order is what I live for. So for all you bozo's who don't have anything to do, get a life or either call me. I'd love to share...or least I'd like to think so.