Monday, January 05, 2009

A 09 first Monday, Monday...

Here we go! It's our break out into bringing you more of what we know you are searching for! More news, updates, commentaries, videos, links, personal stories, podcast and everything that's everything in the SGL community and beyond. Our mantra for the entire year will be "Open your Mind in 2009!" It's our rallying call to our readers, supporters, haters and all those who haven't' made up their minds that this forum is ready to be your online destination point for empowerment, information as well as entertainment. Come on people, we are ready to rock and roll. Sign up to be a follower and Let's get it started, now!
Easy Over-Update: In our last posting concerning the impending opening of new venues, we included a mention about Mr. Buddy Habig as an entertainment coordinator. However we've learned of Mr. Chadwick" Buddy" Habig's untimely death 12.23.08. I would like to offer our sincerest condolences to his family, friends and extended family. Due to the nature of our post schedule which includes some pre-programmed posting, our best efforts to update sometimes have to be revised. We humbly apologize for any perceived inconsideration. The family asks that any memorials be made to the Chad "Buddy" Habig Scholarship fund at the Arts Center Summer Theatre Academy for children.

The 09 Resolutions: I listed my 2009 resolutions and asked all of you to feel free to comment or share your thoughts. The comments are starting to flow and so far I've sensed that their are many of you whom are experiencing ongoing discomfort, disillusionment and lives that may appear in disrray. The holidays can be a bummer that leads into a new year without a love one or in search of the a illusive soulmate. Even though I now have a loving relationship, I too have suffered the lost of life mate. It was a life changing event that caused me to have to regroup and retool my entire way of thinking. This forum, if nothing else is determined to be a open forum to share the "gay experience" from all angles ranging from the positive to the underbelly of living the lavender life. I discovered the item below from the site which is maintained by Dr. Eric of NYC. The tag line for his site states, "A place to find support and information to help you go from being a PAIN-FULL dater to a PAIN FREE DATER!" This unedited information is offered as source material and is not intended to be an endorsement of his practice or a subsitute for locating you own personal health practicitioner. You don't have to go to NYC to get help, there's great therapy right in our own back yard. I will be adding some of the local outlet to our site map. Remember we are always here as a place to share, learn and Love. Join us as a follower today.

Tragedy to triumph

This tip is for those who have lost someone for any reason, from being dumped to a partners demise.
While it could be argued that thier is a huge differnce between the two, there are many similarities if there was a large degree of attachment!
When we enter into a relationship and integrate our lives with another person. As a result we are we are forever changed. Our worlds are intertwined and organized around the other...
I have listened to many describe the void that is created in the lives of those formerly partnered...especially those who have had a partner for several years.
Our daily lives are impacted by our loss:
sitting across from us a breakfast, lunch, dinner
an empty bed
fighting for sink time and mirror space in the bath room
preparing meals for just one
making plans with out consulting your partner
phone check ins to see how the day is going
This list could go on and on...what I am describing here is an empty space that was formerly filled.It is presence felt by it's absence.
Mourning and grieving are a natural part of loss and is the very thing that heals our pain. While this is occurring it is sometimes useful to remember and do a few things that can help the process along....

1. You were a whole person before this very important relationship
2. There were things that you did that you stopped doing as a result of this relationship (many good things)
3. This emptiness you feel is in fact space...and it can become potential.
4.Perhaps this is a good time to reconnect with neglected friends(happens in relationships)
5. Talk to someone who knows how to listen with out judgment or at least journal about your feelings.
6. Keep their things around for as long as you need to(warning: if you do that too long the empty space will be filled with sentiment and nostalgia and will prevent you from effectively moving on.
7. This is a time to practice extreme self care

These are just a few of the things to do and remember while you are experiencing a loss.


ken jones said...

I too have lost my lover of 30 years to death. Getting on with my life was the most difficult process I have ever done.
But with some help from family and friends I did regroup and took that ever so hard first step.
Every step after that first one got
a little easer until I was back up
and running. I had plenty set backs
but learning to ask for help is the key.

Brian Cook (btc1959) said...

The greatest loss is your loss, what ever it may be. With the love of friends, the tools from a good grief counselor/group, prayer, and a supportive family life get's a little bit better day by day. Thanks for continuing to reach out to our community. The way you touch each heart is commendable.